Flexing with Fear and Trust

Posted on Posted in Clarity, Fear Dissolving

Coming back from the Martha Beck retreat and reviewing my notes I realized a lot was covered in a little period of time.  At the conference Martha shared her current work with integrity, went more deeply into examples about Byron Katie’s “the work” and had us all rolling with laughter as she used humor to deliver her points.

A new acronym she shared with us regarding how to live in integrity was SILK, i.e. in order to set yourself free—one must, be still, live in complete integrity moment by moment, love yourself deeply and be kind to the world around you.  Integrity was defined as being 100% honest with yourself within each moment, completely honoring exactly what you want to do.  Moreover, being committed to continuously clearing out anything that doesn’t work for you.

In my heart that acronym felt good, in my head I felt confusion, thinking—how in the world could one really follow their bliss 100% of the time and still pay the bills and be a responsible citizen.

Moving from this thought, I landed on the realization that essentially all we want is peace.  Yet, to build that muscle—it takes a continual rhythm within your life of fear and trust, trust and fear.  Martha likened this to weight lifting.  No one lifts weights to just get the weight in the air (achieve peace) they lift so they can build within themselves a feeling of resilience and strength.

Fear is natural, we all have it and want to avoid it as much as we can.  Yet, the more we run away from it, the more it eventually costs us in the long run.  I experienced a simple example of this in my recent travels.  While traveling, I decided to choose air bnb’s for 4 of my 6 nights.  Instead of staying in the fancy resort, where the retreat was being held, I stayed in a nearby garage turned guest room.  Yup, a garage;) and it was fantastic!

At the outset of choosing this accommodation I was a little apprehensive, what will others think if I’m not staying at the hotel?  Will the garage/air bnb be decent enough to sleep in?  What if the owner is crazy and has a camera watching me, a long stretch—but who knows.  I also had some fear about my new computer being stolen and sold on the black market, leaving me back to horrors of the terribly slow Acer processor computer left at home–>a fate worse than any of the aforementioned fears.

In the end everything turned out beautifully.  Those I told about staying at the air bnb were excited that I found such a great deal and had a lot of questions about how I found it.  The actual bnb was gorgeous and had wonderful sleeping arrangements, great coffee, a nice breakfast and breath taking views right down the street.  When I met the owner, it felt like I was meeting a family friend, who wanted me to have the best time possible.  Moreover, my computer is with me safe and sound and I saved $250 toward some fancy software.

Cliffs outside of my air bnb

If you have never tried air bnb, you may too, LOVE it: click here for $20 off your first stay, on me:) 

As I walked the gorgeous street of this beach town, I realized how little trust we have in others and in the world.  With terrorist attacks being announced regularly and the news sharing more stories about violence than we can process—it feels completely naïve to think that we can trust anyone outside of our direct family.  Yet, everyday people stay in air bnb’s and use Ubers and travel the world with the helpful direction of amazing people whose hearts are in the right place.

The fear we see around us, calls us to have trust, regardless of its captivation of our lower lizard brains.  Without trust, we stay in jobs we don’t like, we don’t make that call to a boy we like and we spend tons of money in insurance.  Net, we allow fear to hold our energy and money captive to things that do not serve our long term visions for what we really want in life.

Orchid Estate in Santa Barbara
Orchid Estate in Santa Barbara


Today I ask that you look at your day with trust.  Trust that your neighbor has good intentions, trust that the effort you’re putting into weight loss or money savings will pay dividends and trust that meeting new people will expand your universe in ways that you never imagined possible.