As of late I find myself with a lot of open space in my life. As I mentioned last week, the Kardashians have been booted and as mentioned a few weeks ago, I’ll be headed out of my current job in September. I’ve also been on a shopping hiatus and feel the need to purge anything in the house that isn’t being put to use regularly, opening more room up.
Yet I continue to have dreams that I am packing for a trip, but there is just too much to pack and too little time to make it to my destination. The need to purge the past is very compelling to me, yet the need to learn the lessons is still there.
I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, yet often bad things happen, people are treated unfairly, disease harms a loved one or fate makes us face a fear we hoped we would never have to encounter. These are all opportunities for forgiveness and lessons in letting go.
Forgiveness is far from a new concept, we hear it touted everywhere and know that it is the best thing we can do for ourselves and others. We understand that holding a grudge, only hurts you and all the other quotes of encouragement to forgive.
Still with all this open space around me, I find it more challenging to let go than to create. I am following a dream, but also accepting a failure of sorts. For years I thought I wanted to be an executive and contribute to the world in a board room, with calm clarity and inspiring ideas to either market products or inspire staffs of people to do so. Alas, what I wanted in my head wasn’t aligned to what I felt in my heart or where my skills sets evolved to be.
Looking back at the masculine traits that were needed—ability to face confrontation head on, to be aggressive and competitive as well as assertive—were just not in my DNA. I consider myself to be disciplined and focused, but an aggressor, I am not.
I can now see that I was wearing someone else’s suit (I imagine it to be one of those fashionable ‘80s suits with massive shoulder pads) and walking down a cat walk I wasn’t well suited for (pun intended). Nonetheless, I still wanted to look good and own that stage. Despite my best intentions, I started to tremble down the cat walk and my feet fell underneath me and the judges were not impressed.
(as an example….)
My secret weapon to not letting this experience get to my core was my keen insight into human nature and my deep understanding of the need to forgive yourself for your mistakes. At least that’s what I told myself. Until I started taking steps in a new direction and was hit by my own insecurities again…bold confidence , public speaking, making quick decisions etc.
Unfortunately insecurity doesn’t just float away as the circumstances change and forgiveness isn’t immediate. Nonetheless, small wins do build you back up and SPACE gives you much greater perspective. As I purge that which does not bring me joy, I have deeper gratitude for what I do have and who I am.
To close the metaphor above, I am currently learning how to sew a new outfit for myself and am building the stage in which I will “work it.” The dress will be inspired by my feminine qualities I have previously ignored, with a flair for flow, tenderness and patience.
Alas, the lesson from this blog is to forgive yourself if you haven’t found the right stage to perform on. After you forgive yourself, start to look for the right stage to perform on and think about what fashion you will bring to it. Stages change from time to time as well as what we enjoy wearing. If you are ready to express new traits in your life—open yourself to this metaphor and reflect on what it means to you.