As October shared her beauty of color with us, welcoming in autumn, I also experienced a warm greeting into the next chapter of my life. The time had finally come to open the door to joy and follow a passion I have had for years. Without a map or a concrete plan I stepped into ambiguity and decided to let myself be guided.
Truth be told, I sat on my couch two days in and was dumbfounded that I didn’t know what I was going to actually “do” when I came back from the two week vacation I planned. Then I opened my flooded yahoo mailbox and saw a several week old email from Martha Beck’s life coaching school. The October session was set to start at the end of the month and they still had a few spots left.
Although I was leaving for Italy in two days, I decided to fill out all the paperwork over vacation and if approved, start school the Monday after we got back. I had thought about applying for some time, but the cost continued to instill fear as I prepared to be off a company payroll and on the entrepreneurial track.
Flying over the Atlantic Ocean to our Italian adventure, Anita Moorjani, the author of Dying to Be Me, gave me the courage to click the “purchase” button on an educational program I have dreamed about entering for years.
Anita Moorjani lived through a near death experience in 2006. Suffering from stage 4 lymphoma, she had fallen into a coma after her organs shut down, when she finally agreed to let go of life. During her NDE she encountered a universal energy, she describes as the total consciousness of humanity and was given the chance to decide whether or not she wanted to come back to her life. Being a part of that consciousness and connecting to the souls of loved ones who had passed before her profoundly changed her and helped her decide to come back.
Topically this is what the book is about. The insights that Anita shares from her experience are what influenced me to have faith in myself and the universe. One key insight she shared in her book was that “our feelings about ourselves are the most important barometer for determining the conditions of our existence, more important than thinking positively.” This resonated with me deeply, due to the fact that for so long I thought if I just remained positive, I would be content. Positive thinking can make life better, but it doesn’t make up for living an inauthentic life.
In the past my feelings were so strong that I didn’t belong where I was, yet I continued to deny them. Not belonging where I was, I began to think that I was “less than” and unworthy in some way. Fittingly, the conditions of my life became increasingly uncomfortable, siphoning the confidence I had in myself to contribute to this world. Through internalizing Anita’s insight I felt a new confidence that if I followed my true desires I would have success in my chosen field.
Beyond gaining confidence, another area I struggled with is needing certainty. Everything that I have accomplished to this point has had a clear formula for retribution. Taking a leap into this new chapter, I open the door to ambiguity. In Anita’s words this opens you to connect with the infinite universe and find creative ways to meet your needs, now that you have let go of previous attachments. Coincidentally reading this book and creatively overcoming travel obstacles, solidified this notion and also enabled me to push the purchase button.
At last the most powerful takeaway from Anita’s book that particularly reverberated with me as I traveled, was that Heaven is a state of being rather than a place. How many times have we thought that adding something to our lives or traveling somewhere new was the key to happiness? For me, too many to count. As I traveled throughout Italy and now sit at my desk at home, I know deeply I’m just as happy here as I was there. Yes the scenery was different and there were neat things to explore every day, but how I feel inside is no different. You are your state of mind, no matter what you have or where you are.
After pressing that button to purchase and now participating in Martha Beck’s coaching program, I feel at peace and have a bewildering amount of enthusiastic energy running through my body. Overcoming my barriers of dwindling confidence and a need for certainty has enabled me to inhabit a world, I never thought possible. A world Anita became familiar with in her NDE, a world not found in things or experiences, but only in connecting to your most authentic self.
Today ask yourself if you are creating heaven on earth or the opposite? If you are closer to its opposite, what needs to change internally?